Menagerie – A Collection of Naruto Shorts
by Wicked Innuendo
Summary: An ongoing collection of Naruto shorts featuring drabbles based on GENMA, NARUTO, INO, SAKURA, ITACHI, KAKASHI, JIRAIYA and other characters in a variety of situations from comedy to angst to fluff and so on.
1. Genma Sensei

Enter standard disclaimer here. Nope, not mine, not mine at all…damn…

Menagerie – A Collection of Naruto Shorts

Story One – Genma Sensei

By – Wicked Innuendo

"Gennin kunoichis," Genma muttered under his breath, switching the long senbon to opposite corner of his mouth. They giggled and blushed and whispered; they took nothing he said seriously. How the hell did he get stuck briefing these preteen ninja-_ettes_ on their new duties during the reconstruction phase of post war Konaho?

Now they were huddled together, Inoshi's daughter, what was her name again, was pointing in his direction while that pink haired one was gawking at his...his…what the hell was she looking at?

"Ladies," he cleared his throat, letting his voice carry over the classroom.

At least the brunette with the academy style buns had sense enough to shut up and sit down.

"Hyuuga," he reprimaned Hinata, "turn off that damn Byakugan, there's no need for that here." The girl instantly turned three shades of reds and mumbled apologies under her breath as she fidgeted with her fingers, refusing to make eye contact with their substitute sensei.

Ino bit her lower lip, snatched the paper from Sakura and shoved it into her purple shirt. Genma rolled his dark eyes, "Note passing, eh? Give it to me. I'm really disappointed with your behavior today girls, I expected more from students of Kakashi, Gai, Asuma, and Kurenai sensei."

Genma held his hand out in front of Ino, impatiently waiting for the note.

"Genma-sensei, whatever do you mean?" Ino coyly asked, doing a stellar impersonation of doe eyed and innocent.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Gai's bun girl move to pass Kakashi's roseate haired student the paper.

Faster than the kunoichis could perceive, the Jounin took the senbon from between his teeth and threw it between the note passers, pinning the target to the wall. The faces of the girls went blank as their teacher for the day extracted what he could now identify as a picture from that was pinned to the wall.

He frowned as he realized the image was him and… and he was bare as the day when he was born. God no! He was naked and in the shower, scrubbing a sudsy helmet looking mass of lilac tinged bubbles into his wet hair completely exposed from the top of head to the tips of his toe. Who_? How? When? Why?_ The thoughts raced through his mind as he realized every single under aged girl-child in the room had seen him and his _Frisky-Senbon-sama_ in all their naked glory.

"Why me," he muttered. The room suddenly felt fifteen degrees warmer, he needed some fresh air. Genma shoved the image into his pocket and walked out the classroom, leaving the giggling Gennins to their own devices.

A/N – These are a collections of Naruto drabbles ranging from romance to comedy to angst, so on and so forth. My writings here aren't exactly serious, these are more of writing exercises to wake-up my muses. This drabble and the following drabbles were originally part of livejournal meme.


	2. More Than Friends: Naruto & Sakura

Enter standard disclaimer here. Nope, not mine, not mine at all…damn…

Menagerie – A Collection of Naruto Shorts

Story Two – More Than Friends: Naruto & Sakura

By – Wicked Innuendo

He had been lying in bed, teetering between the last vestiges of consciousness and the beginnings of peaceful sleep when he heard the soft rapping at the door. He sat up from the futon, tossing aside the faded kumquat hued comforter to see the identity of his late night caller. He was pretty sure it was her. Over the past two years since their team had disbanded and reassembled under the tutelage of new teachers, she had grown closer to him, much closer than he had ever hoped of them becoming when they were still rookie Gennins fresh from the academy. They had developed a bond that had been absent when they were teammates, an unspoken understanding of devoted camaraderie. They were there for each other no matter what and tonight she needed him.

The door creaked as he opened it; he was unsurprised to see her standing there in her blood speckled medic uniform. She looked tired, the start of dark half crescents were showing again beneath her sad green eyes.

She didn't say anything, nor did he, there were no need for words. He stepped aside and she let herself into his small studio apartment. She didn't have to tell him about the life loss of that day, he could read it in her disposition.

She shrugged out of her clothes, there was no need for modesty; after all he was only Naruto. And he unbuttoned and removed the striped pajama shirt, handing her the three sizes too big garment to put on. He wondered if she'd ever just leave a change of clothes here, instead of always stealing his top to his sleep wear.

"It's warm," she murmured about the shirt, bringing the too long sleeves to her nose, smelling the shirt that smelled him.

He crawled into bed first, the uncomfortable chill in the room getting the better of him and soon she followed. They lay together like spoons, him behind her with their legs a tangle of warm flesh and his arms encircling her tiny waist, pulling her back securely against his lean chest.

"Good night Naruto," she yawned, adjusting the pillow they shared.

"'Night, Sakura," he mumbled, his face buried between her pastel strawberry locks and the crook of her neck, the faint shadow of dishwater blonde stubble on his face tickled her shoulder and she adjusted herself again one last time.

Peaceful sleep soon followed the strange bedfellows that were more than friends and less than lovers.


	3. Protecting Sasuke: Itachi & Sakura

Enter standard disclaimer here. Nope, not mine, not mine at all…damn…

Menagerie – A Collection of Naruto Shorts

Story Three – Protecting Sasuke: Itachi & Sakura

By – Wicked Innuendo

"You fucking bitch," his voice shifts from passive to quasi growl. Uchiha Itachi's slim fingers touch the base of his throat, his fingertips skim over the warm liquid of the flowing cut, mindful that his necklace is absent.

Her attack had been lightning fast, one moment she was before him, slashing at his chest with the edge of her kunai and then she was above him in the temporary sanctuary of the massive oak.

"It's not mortal," she yells from her perch in the tree. He detects the slight waver in her voice, she fears him, yet continues to hold her ground. "_if_you see to it soon enough," she steadies her voice and directs her fierce green eyes at his hands, avoiding his lethal crimson gaze.

Itachi bends to retrieves his broken chain, surveying the damage that this slip of a pink haired Kunoichi managed to accomplish. Sharingan afire, he looks for the half alive form of his younger brother. He had been in the midst of ridding himself of the worthless upstart and then she was there, blocking the would be fatal strike, like some hell bent Valkyrie claiming her warrior prize.

Through genjutsu and hastily placed camouflage, Itachi sees him. Sasuke's breaths are shallow and Itachi knows that it will take minimal effort to end his weaker sibling. Sakura's eyes follow Itachi's line of sight to the incapacitated body of her former team mate. Sakura jumps from the tree, landing gracefully between Itachi and the younger Uchiha.

"My blade was laced with toxin," Kunai raised, stance wide, Sakura defends her childhood crush. "The poison's reversible, if you leave now and walk to the neighboring village, the antidote is available there."

He's upon her, fingers wrapped around her neck, making it nearly impossible to breathe. "Chakra use and fast movements will hasten the poison through your bloodstream, leave us and live," she barely manages to choke out.

He drops her to the ground, feeling the dizzying nausea of the poison, not ready to die just yet.

"I should kill you," he sneers, less than pleased with his current predicament.

"That would ensure your death, I won't die so easily," she rises to her feet in a defensive stance.

"This isn't over kunoichi," he backs away, wondering the identity of this woman that would put her life on the line to save his brother. Sakura watches Itachi retreat, she breathes a sigh of relief and rushes to Sasuke's side to heal his wounds.


	4. Loving Sakura: Ino & Sakura

Enter standard disclaimer here. Nope, not mine, not mine at all…damn…

one sided shoujo-ai, yuri innuendo

Menagerie – A Collection of Naruto Shorts

Story Four – Loving Sakura: Ino & Sakura

By – Wicked Innuendo

She was beautiful in her despair. The cascade of tears enhanced her green eyes with an iridescent glow that Ino couldn't take eyes from. She sat beside her lifelong friend, listening to Sakura tell of Sasuke's most recent heartless slip of tongue. That boy didn't realize what a delicate prize he could have in Sakura. And while it upset her to see her friend in such a melancholic state, she was inwardly relieved that Sasuke had rejected her. It renewed her hope that perhaps one day Sakura would notice her as she noticed Sakura. Ino wasn't selfless in her love for Sakura, she wanted Sakura's heart for herself, Sasuke or any other boy that turned Sakura's head be damned.

"_Shhh_…s'okay, hon-," She reached for her Sakura, pulling the sobbing girl into her arms and stroking the girl's shoulder length pink tresses. "You're beautiful; anyone who doesn't see that is a fool."

Cornflower blue met glistening jade as Sakura pulled away, "Thank you, Ino."

Ino's gaze fell to her friend's sad lips; the corners of her mouth were wet with tears. Ino would give anything to kiss away those salty tears, to turn the corners of that soft pouty mouth upwards into a smile.

Ino bent her head towards Sakura, brushing her lips over the girl's smooth forehead. "I love you Sakura, your happiness is important to me."

Ino confessed her love for Sakura upon deaf ears; the girl was unaware of true depth of Ino's declaration, while Sakura was thankful to have found such a good friend in Ino.


	5. You With Him: A YOU & Sasuke Parody

This is a parody fic, making light of the overabundance of Mary-Sue, self insertion, and YOU fics on & mediaminer. This comedy drabble features Sasuke & YOU.

Enter standard disclaimer here. Nope, not mine, not mine at all…damn…

Menagerie – A Collection of Naruto Shorts

Story Five – You With Him

By – Wicked Innuendo

You can't believe you're actually standing in this room…his room. The gentle sensation of butterflies flutter through the pit of your belly as the reality sinks into your bones.  
_  
His room._

_Sasuke's_ room.

You're the envy of all the women of Konoha. You're in Uchiha Sasuke's boudoir. Now, how many women can say that they've actually been here? Not many. Of that, you're sure.

You run your hesitant fingers over the unmade black satin sheets of his kingside bed. The down comforter must have been kicked to the floor the night before and the sheets are in a twisted mess at the bed's foot.

Good times had happened here last night, you giggle at the sweet fantasy of the last Uchiha's strong hands on the swell of your hips. Those hands…in dreams, he is a fucking god.

Discarded boxer-briefs, grass stained wide collared shirt; you pick them up, the smell of his manliness lingers on the garments as if he just pulled them off. You toss the clothes in the basket to be laundered because you know how much he likes for his clothes to smell April rain shower fresh.

Your eyes are drawn back to the bed. It captivates your attention and holds your gaze with the mysteries of him. You're compelled to the bed, his bed as if your feet move on their own accord. You hope and pray that he walks in and decides that he must ravish you; these thoughts run over and over in your mind like a vicious carousel of sexual debauchery.

You collapse onto the bed that smells so much like him. In waking dreams, you call him your Sasuke and he smiles that rare smile of his, sweet words of affirmation and love pour from his lips.

_"I need you, I want you, help me restore my clan, bear my children, be my life mate."_

You close your eyes, stretching out on his bed, replying to his beseeching, "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

You are the happiest girl in the world, the future Mrs. Uchiha and mother of the Neo Uchiha Generation.

A throat is cleared and your eyes snap open. It's him and he's standing in the doorway. A scowl adorns his ever youthful face, wisps of dark hair fall in his onyx eyes. And then he speaks and your heart skips a beat.

"I pay you to keep the compound clean, not soil my linens. Get out of my house freak, you're fucking fired!"


	6. Home: Kakashi, Sakura, Naruto, & Others

Enter standard disclaimer here. Nope, not mine, not mine at all…damn…  
note: mild 239 Kakashi Gaiden spoilers.

Menagerie – A Collection of Naruto Shorts  
Story Six – Home: Kakashi, Sakura, Naruto & others  
By – Wicked Innuendo

The warm white sea of infinitive clouds enveloped him like a mother's embrace. Tendrils of alabaster swathed his limbs, the downy softness caressed over his face in gentle touches. Peaceful, safe, warm; it was the childlike discovery of innocence found once again after decades of absence. It felt right here, it felt like coming like home.

Rin, Obito, Sensei, Hayate; he could make out their welcoming voices and see the outline of their silhouettes.

"Kakashi-kun, it's been so long. I've missed you so much, welcome home." Rin greeted him, her long auburn hair spilled over her outstretched arms.

Just three more steps, two, and one more. They remained behind an orifice of pure white light, waiting for him.

She pushed on his chest with her chakra infused palms…

_One one thousand_

_Two one thousand_

_Three one thousand_

Her small hands pulled down the dark mask, exposing his youthful face to her for the first time. She tilted his chin up, pinched his nose, and brought her mouth to his blue hued lips. Sakura blew lungfuls of life giving of chakra leavened breath. His chest rose and fell with each breath she gave with her medic's kiss of life.

"Damnit, Kakashi! Don't you give up. Breath, Kakshi breath!" she tenaciously pleaded to him.

She extended her arms out, though her sandaled feet remained firmly planted. "I've been watching over you," she sweetly smiled, her face forever that of a fifteen year old women-child.

A voice was cleared, "_We've_ been watching over you," Obito corrected Rin, nudging her side lightly. "And I have to say Senpai, you're early again. I thought you quit that early stuff years ago," he chuckled and moved to stand behind Rin. Obito put his hands on her shoulders, letting his fingers glide over her bare arms to her fingertips and gently pulled her hands to her sides, away from Kakashi.

Kakashi watched, absorbing it all, too amazed to say anything.

Obito held Rin from behind and whispered into her hair, "It's not his time."

"I know, but I've missed him."

"So have I."

Naruto shook with fear for Kakashi's life and anger towards Sasuke for doing this to him. He felt helpless watching Sakura try to resuscitate Kakashi. He busied himself by cleaning Kakashi's superficial wounds with torn wrappings dipped in pungent sterile alcohol. His former sensei's injuries were genjutsu related and incurred as Sasuke held Kakashi helpless in his Mangekyou Sharingan, mentally drowning the infamous Copy Nin in a sea of blood under the crimson moon.

"Don't you die damnit!" Sakura commanded, her face streaked with tears as she continued rhythmic pushes on his chest.

"Sakura," Naruto interjected, his voice choked and wavered, surprising him as it passed over his lips. "Let me try to help you."

Naruto focused his chakra to his hands and placed them over Sakura's as she pressed over Kakashi's heart. He forced his chakra into her, blue at first then hues of amethyst to violent red, into Sakura, using her medical adeptness as a conduit for Kyuubi's chakra.

Chakra flowed from Naruto into Sakura, she molded it and pushed it into Kakashi the best she could, but it was overwhelming. The red hot fire of his Chakra seared her fingers. Sakura screamed, it hurt and burned, even as the tops of her hands began to blister from the scorching chakra that Naruto pumped into her, she continued with even more vigor in her pursuit to revive him.

"Good-bye, Kakashi. Until, we meet again." Obito half smiled and pulled his goggles down over his sleeping Sharingan eyes. A chorus of farewells sadly sang their adieus. The safe whiteness faded to painful black.

The life giving exhalation passed from her lips over his pallet and into his lungs. The chakra kiss stimulated his lungs into spasms and he finally breathed, first in choked gasps and coughs then to steadier deep breaths.

"You idiot!" she sobbed, crystalline tears flowed freely done her cheeks, "don't you ever scare us like that again."

She held him in her arms, afraid to let go. Naruto wrapped his arms around her as she held him, holding them both, thankful that they're former sensei returned home.


	7. Naruko: Naruto & Jiraiya

Enter standard disclaimer here. Nope, not mine, not mine at all…damn…

Menagerie – A Collection of Naruto Shorts

Story Seven – Naruko – Naruto & Jiraiya

By – Wicked Innuendo

Jiraiya hunched over the table in the rented motel room, scrawling madly away in his tablet. Gray lead scribbled images of the tale's heroine and her never ending pursuit of sexual nirvana. He chuckled to himself as he drew the main character attempting to molest a rival shinobi disguised as traveling monk. Volume three of Make-Out Violence, a Gaiden parody of his heavier adult manga series, Come Come Paradise, was damn near writing itself. He paused his work to shake the cramps from his hand and refill his sake cup, the hot alcohol had long since gone cold, but he drank the intoxicating liquid none the less. It was fodder for his writing muse and who was he to deny eager muses their wants.

He looked out the dirty window to realize the sun had long since set and night's stars were beginning to pepper the sky. How long had he been writing, he wondered.

The room's only door creaked open and softly closed with a barely audible click. Light footsteps neared and Jiraiya wondered what his student had been up to this day. He flipped the tablet's page and continued his work, there were deadlines to meet and well, adult manga writer certainly paid better than aging Konoha ninja, even if he was a Sennin.

"You know you want me," the feminine voice cooed, her warm breath tickled his ear sending chills down his spine.

"Cut that out!" startled, he smacked the pawing svelte fingers ways.

"One night of pleasure is all I want, won't you give it to me." Soft lips touched his temple and Jiraiya shooed away the blonde's noisome advances.

"If you don't get off me and leave me alone, I swear I'm going whip your ass!"

Ever since Naruto had realized that Jiraiya's flirting with his Sexy-No-Jutsu counterpart was all in jest, done innocently to get his constantly talking student to leave him the fuck alone for five minutes… Well Naruto figured turn about was fair play and gave his elder sensei a good sexy joshing at every opportunity.

"Such words, you're quite the naughty ninja. So, this spanking, is it a promise?" The tall blonde moved around the chair to stand directly in front of her teacher for the past seven years. Cottony clouds floated within Jiraiya's arm's reach, teasing the Sennin to bat them away and reveal the naked buxom beauty beneath.

"What?! What do you want Naruto?" Jiraiya snapped, the tone in his teacher's voice was more than enough to make teen posing as a centerfold release the jutsu.

"You're no fun." Naruto mumbled, his happy expression had quickly faded to frown. "You promised to train me today and you haven't even left this room once since we checked in."

The student tossed a white Styrofoam container at his teacher and stomped to one of the two futons and flopped down.

"I thought you might be hungry, but now…now I hope you choke on it!"

Jiraiya opened the lid; his senses were assaulted with the delicious aroma of chicken and vegetable ramen. Jiraiya's stomached growled and he was reminded that he hadn't eaten all day. He laughed to himself, dipping the chopsticks into the meal and made a mental note to teach the boy some advanced Jounin level techniques in the morning. The jutsu he had in mind was complicated and painful to master. That'll teach the little cocky bastard to smart off again like that. Jiraiya wound a huge mass of curling noodles around the sticks and started slurping down the meal.

"Thanks, Naruto." Jiraiya mumbled between bites.

Naruto look towards his sensei, his irritation immediately melted away and he gave his teacher a toothy grin, which he probably would've kept to himself if he knew the training regimen that his Sennin teacher had in store for him the next morning.


	8. Flowers, Sunshine, & Senbon: GS

Enter standard disclaimer here. Nope, not mine, not mine at all…damn…

_For Kylara_

Menagerie – A Collection of Naruto Shorts

Story Eight – Flowers, Sunshine, & Senbon

By – Wicked Innuendo

It had been her idea to stop and rest. The pair had been returning from a simple B rank mission; gliding through the trees when she spotted the clearing of marigolds. They were a sea of soft yellows and deep gold, speckling the field in a gilded blanket. Shizune's jaw dropped when she saw them; stopping so abruptly from her canter in the tree tops that she'd lost her footing and fallen from the thick branch. Genma had grabbed her wrist, his strong hands held her suspended above the forest floor, sixty feet below.

"That would have left a mark," he grinned above her, talking around the senbon situated between his lips.

"Ehh..whups," she half smiled and would've shrugged if she could, an embarrassed gesture that had carried over from her youth. Shizune reached up, grabbing for his other hand. He lifted her as if she weighed nothing, setting her down on the branch beside him.

"Take a break? Harvest some buds? Marigolds contain lutein; a monster of an anti-toxin, a medic can never have enough marigolds." It was more of a statement versed as a question. Shizune didn't wait for an answer; she hopped down to a lower branch and continued onto the meadow of flora.

They sat together in the field of golden wild flowers. She watched him out the corner of her dark eye. The long senbon bounced in perfect rhythm between his lips; up, down, up, down, swivel, repeat. He appeared thoughtful, completely contrary to usual happy go lucky persona. Shizune plucked a long stemmed bud, perching the stem between her lips imitating the bob and weave of the needle like weapon in hopes of catching his attention.

He had removed his vest and navy Jounin shirt; the ever present backwards hitae remained knotted in his mussy hair. He closed his hazel eyes, tilted his face towards the sun, she swore his skin seemed to bronze before her eyes. "Penny for your thoughts, Shiranui."

"Just enjoying life, Shizune." Genma turned to look at her, chuckling when he saw her. The woman had been busy. Shizune had weaved a wreath of flowers and wore the buds like a crown in her black hair like some silly sprite. The flower stem still dangled between her lips, continuing to mock Genma's bouncing senbon.

"You know, you've got the tempo completely wrong," he jested, sitting up to face her.

"Yeah?" She raised an eyebrow questioningly at him; the long stemmed flower still perched between her lips.

"You're a little slow on the swivel and the pace loses its consistency every other second repeat." His tone was disinterested, pointing out the flaws of her technique to her like she was just another would be Gennin attempting go up in ranks and he, just another referee. His visage faltered, the corners of his lips turned upwards into slight smile.

"Everyone wants to be a critic." She flopped backwards onto the soft bed of grass and flora, crossing her arms over her chest to pout.

"Well, flowers make for a poor substitution." He offered, reclining back to lie besides her. "Trade?"

"Redemption," Shizune smiled, snatching the senbon from his mouth and replaces the flower with it. Senbon perched between her lips, she started the oral exercise; up, down, up, down, swivel, repeat.

The stem tasted awful; bitter and gummy, the end frayed from Shizune's abusive chomps. Genma removed the flower from his mouth, choosing to pull off a petal at a time instead. "She loves me, she loves me not, she—"

Shizune paused, mid swivel to shoot a hard look at the orally fixated nin, "Don't push it."

Genma sighed, producing a second senbon, seemingly out of thin air. He stuck the weapon in his mouth, synchronizing his senbon routine with his partner and started plucking at the flowers petals again. Playfully adding, "She loves me."


	9. Cool to the Touch: HakuSakura

Menagerie – A Collection of Naruto Shorts

Story Nine - Cool to the Touch

By: Wicked Innuendo

Haku had touched her once, all those years ago before his death. His fingers were cool to the touch, like he spent the morning playing in the snow without gloves on. Just a passing touch, sent shivers down her spine and imprinted itself on her memory. When Haruno Sakura thought of the cold she thought of him.

Sometimes when she thought of him it was more than a passing touch. Sometimes he would press cool lips to her temple or to her forehead; thoughts of those kisses could cool her flesh on the hottest of days.

In her mind he was beautiful, taller than Naruto, leaner than Sasuke. He had become all the things that she hoped to ever find in a man. Strong and subtle and _cool_. Sometimes she would think of his hands tracing down her body, cooling her down, replacing one heat with another, a cold fire.

_Be cool, like Haku._

She opened her green eyes, cool and comfortable on her debut Anbu mission in the middle of August in Sand Country.

"See Naruto, mind over matter. Focus your chakra, envision yourself cool and you will be cooler. Come here and touch Sakura's shoulder, she's an iceberg," Kakashi spoke to his teammate.

"_Focus your chakra_," Naruto mimicked. "Ms. Perfect Chakra control and the Copy-nin can do it, so you, Naruto with that hellion of hot kyuubi trapped in you should be able to do it."

At a loss for words, Kakashi shrugged. Not every nin could regulate their tempurture down. Up, sure, not a problem. Down, well, that proved more difficult.

Sakura laughed, cupping Naruto's face in her palms. He could feel her coolness through gloves; he leaned towards her, as if to steal it for himself then frowned.

"This is itchy and scratchy and hot!" He growled, pulling away from Sakura. "This vest feels like a girdle and these gloves are for chicks. And these pants," Naruto fumed, trying pinch the lycra blended fabric in his gloved fingers. "These pants make me look like an aerobics instructor, not a ninja. I'm a ninja, damn it! And it's hot." The eighteen year old blonde ninja complained to his teammates.

"Don't be nervous, you're going to do great." She pulled the strap of his vest towards her to plant a cold kiss on his forehead. "Think cool, be cool."

"Yeah..easier said than done," he relaxed, smilingly sheepishly at his teammates.


	10. Stasis: Hayate & Sakura

**Menagerie: A Collection of Naruto Shorts**

**Stasis**

**By - Wicked Innuendo**

_for Animeshen_

He was the first exhumed body she ever had the opportunity to work with.

He lay on the cool stainless steal of her autopsy table, covered from the waist down with a white sheet. His arms and chest were marred with hairline scars of past confrontations, the tell tale signs of any ninja, but they were nothing compared to the nineteen inch wound that transected cross body from the katana death blow delivered by enemy nin.

One week ago, the Hokage had summoned Haruno Sakura to her office. The fifth had given her a dusty three inch thick file along with a list of half dozen names of the not so recently departed Konoha nin with the direct orders to: "See if there's any truth in this fiction." And that is exactly what she did.

She choose Gekko Hayate from that list.

He was a war orphan with no living relatives to object to an exhumation. Though had there been, it wouldn't have mattered. He had volunteered for the experiment, signed on the dotted line of the release of responsibility affidavit (legally binding post mortem), and accepted payment. There was absolutely no legal repercussions however the Konoha attorneys could twist matters, all the T's had been crossed and the I's dotted, this body was hers.

Shortly after death, his body had been washed and placed in a new experimental medical jutsu, the Stasis-no-Jutsu. The jutsu enveloped the body in a cocoon of suspended animation. Allowing the subject and/or object to neither age, decay, or become susceptible to any of the natural elements.

After reading the research data, Sakura did agree that there were many possibilities in medicine for the Jutsu, but at the time of its creation, a decade ago; it was too advanced to be anything more than what it was. Now with modern jutsu medical arts, there was a whole new playing field of possibilities at her fingertips.

She pushed her fingers through the Jutsu, surprised by its tangibility; it was like treading her fingers through water. She held his hand in hers, again surprised when she examined his fingers. It had been ten years since his death and his body didn't even show the slightest sign of rigor mortis, much less decay.

"You must have been put in stasis immediately after your death, Hayate-san." He didn't answer and she didn't expect him to. She had developed the habit of conversing with her patients as she worked; this instance included the dead man on her autopsy table.

"Live fast, die young, leave behind a beautiful corpse," she spoke to the silent man again.

She hovered her hand over the katana wound. It was a mess. The blade had cut through bone and flesh. It looked as if there was an invisible zipper that begin at his shoulder and ended at his navel then had been unzipped. It was a horrible analogy, but a truthful one. However, it was one she could repair. She pushed her chakra into the dead flesh, mending muscle and bone until the death blow was as if had never been there at all.

It was a gift entirely unique to her, stumbled upon by accident. A gift she used so widowers and children of fallen Konoha nin could have one last good bye before the casket closed.

"You look like you're sleeping," she told him.

From the pocket of Sakura's medical nin uniform, she withdrew the syringe. If she succeeded there could be countless lives saved from the combination of the jutsu and drug. But ethically, she didn't agree with measures taken to separate fact from fiction. She preffered live patients not dead. In her opinion, she'd rather modify the stasis-no-jutsu hold the living, not the inanimate. But when she expressed those concerns to the Hokage, she was told to follow the direction of the original doctors, so she did.

The syringe is what held the answer. It was filled with kyuubi adrenaline.

Sakura wasn't pleased to learn that Naruto had offered himself up as a guinea pig a few months ago, but what's done is done. Naruto's an adult and if he choose to bleed himself dry in the name of science than so be it.

Thumb on the plunger, she pierced the adrenaline filled needle into Hayate's heart and injected him. Sakura hovered her palms over his body, willing the drug to disperse through veins and arteries. She pumped him full of chakra continuously for twenty minutes. Her legs trembled with exertion and her head felt lightheaded.

"Enough," she whispered, bracing herself on the table. She was spent. If this was unsuccessful, then nothing would work. "Enough," Sakura repeated. "Let the dead sleep undisturbed."

She had followed her orders and the experiment was fruitless. After all the wasted hard work, Sakura was pleased. Medicine was about healing life, not resurrecting the dead. Konoha politics needed to stay in the office and out of her hospital. Sakura closed her eyes, allowing her mind to wander through the rest of the day's schedule that she hoped to complete before the end of the shift; putting Hayate back in the ground, reports, and finally a stop at the grocery store before going home.

A barely audible pop and subtle breeze pulled her from her inner thoughts.

She looked down at the man on the table in time to see his eyes fly open. He coughed then wheezed, struggling for breath. His eyes searched the room as he tried to gauge his bearings; he relaxed when his eyes took in her Konoha hitae then met hers.

"Whe..where am I?" he croaked. His grip on her wrist tightened and he struggled to sit.

She blinked away astonished and went into medic mode, years of practice and training kicking in.

"In Konoha Hospital." She answered.

"Water." Hayate rasped.

"Of course." She retrieved a bottle of unopened water that she had brought to the morgue for herself. Had she had even thought the experiment might work; she wouldn't have conducted it in the morgue, that's for damned sure.

He drank it down five huge swallows, wasting some over his bare chest. "Ambushed by San—"

Sakura touched her finger over his lips, hushing him. "It's okay now, I know. Everything's going to be fine." The lines were automatic, spoken repeatedly over the years to the nin that came into her hospital.

She was cool and collected on the outside, but internally the mantra of _what have I done?_ repeated.


	11. Chipmunk & Babyface: Kakashi & Rin

Menagerie – A Collection of Naruto Shorts

By: Wicked Innuendo

Story 12 - Chipmunk & Babyface

_for Asukachan_

"Rin! Rin!"

Someone's calling my name.

"Five more minutes, mom. Sleep for five more minutes."

The voice calls my name again, more persistently, heavy with agitation or was that fear? Hands grip my shoulders, shaking me. My eyelids feel so heavy. Five minutes more, please.

"Keep pressure on her neck, Kakashi."

"There's so much blood, Sensei."

"Rin, can you hear me? Open your eyes if you can hear me chipmunk."

My eyelids felt weighted down, but I manage to open them. He hasn't called me chipmunk in years; Sensei knows how much I loathe the nick name.

The three blurred forms crowded above me begin to come into focus; Sensei, Kakashi, Genma.

My head rests in Kakashi's lap. His fingers, wet and slick, are intertwined with mine. His hand lies on mine, held firmly against my neck.

"Chipmunk, we need you, we need a medic." Sensei speaks, words coming faster, desperate. "Damn it, soldier! Get up! Right hand, use your chakra, heal that injury, that's an order."

Right hand, right hand. Focus. Chakra levels low. So, tired. Assessment: clipped common carotid artery. Heal the injury inside out. Weave chakra through the laceration, bind then cauterize. Perfect textbook example, if only I wasn't so cold, if only I could draw chakra to my fingertips, I could do this in my sleep.

Our Chuunin/Jounin Team had split into two groups; Kakashi and I had flanked the enemy bandits to the right, while Genma and Sensei went wide and left. It was suppose to be a simple mission to retrieve a stolen scroll. I would stand as look out, Sensei and Genma would take out the sleeping sentry, and Kakashi would retrieve the scroll. Grab and dash; easy as pie until something went horribly wrong.

I remember. Set up. Ambush. I went down first. Close call, but we prevailed.

If only I could rest and replenish my chakra, then I could heal the injured ninja. I could heal…me.

"Oh God, I'm dying."

Panic. Fear. Disbelief.

Sensei strokes my hair. So sad, he looks so sad. Genma quietly holds my left hand.

"No, senbon." Mr. My Senbon Is An Extension Of Myself, senbonless. I wanted to laugh, instead I cough, spraying tiny droplets of blood across Kakashi's mask, across the bridge of his nose. My blood matches his Sharingan.

"I promised Obito, I'd keep you safe." His eyes water. Weeping Sharingan.

"S'okay. Not your fault."

"I promised him," Kakashi's voice cracks. Genma's hand tightens. Sensei wipes my face with his hitae.

He pulls his mask down. His Sharingan spins. It doesn't hurt anymore. I'm not cold anymore. I'm not tired. My head is still pillowed on his thigh. His fingers still, wet and slick, are intertwined with mine. His hand lies on mine, held firmly against my neck.

He deceives me with that eye, tricking me to believe I have just enough chakra to repair the artery. Tricking my body into using the last of its energy reserves to mold chakra, not prolong life for another seven minutes.

Those eyes lie and I believe. I believe it all.

Just enough Chakra sparks to my fingers, just enough to repair the tiny nick that would have cost me my life.

"Think it worked," I whisper. "Shock..med kit..transfusion."

Soft light. Burnt flesh. He uses a diluted Chidori to cauterize the laceration shut.

Genma opens the med kit, preparing the IV, Sensei rolls up his sleeve, and I stare into unmasked face of the man that saved my life.

I smile.

Kakashi never did outgrow those soft features from our academy days.

"Babyface," I whisper.

He pulls the mask up, covering the lower half of his face. I think I can see him smile behind the black fabric. The dizzying whirl of the single Sharingan is the last thing I see.

"Rest Chipmunk," Kakashi softly speaks.


	12. Los Konohas: BadCop

**This short contains mature content, not the fluffy fun or steamy romance frou frou that I usually do.   It's violent, dark, and offensive. You've been warned.**

Author notes:  So, this one was intended to be a multi-chapter inner city Naruto High School fic co-written with Neccowafer.  It never graduated past a few pages of notes and this snippet.  The first three pages have been collecting dust on my hard drive, everything after was adding recently, then revised, so that I could archive it here.  There is a possibility that I (or we) may finish this.  I'm not sure though, our original musings are years old.  I usually don't ask for feedback, but I wouldn't mind it on this snippet.  Thanks!

Menagerie – A Collection of Naruto Shorts

By: Wicked Innuendo

Story 12 - Bad Cop (Los Konoha)

She walked home alone. It was something she always did in the twilight hour on Thursdays.  She'd leave the high school, go Itachi and Sasuke's house, pick up his school assignments for the week, take them home and complete them.  If Sasuke was in a good mood, he'd kiss her before sending her off.  Maybe that's what kept her coming back, the hope of something more.   She knew she wasn't the only one in his heart, but she was his _premiera, _and that fact was enough to keep her going.  Maybe after high school he'd realize her devotion and act upon it, at least that's what Itachi mentioned.  Sakura Uchiha, she liked the sound of that.

She began the mile and a half stroll home, wondering if Kakashi Hatake would walk her home today.  They're paths almost always crossed on the Thursday trek.  He recently began taking a few afternoon classes at the local community college.  They lived in the same apartment complex and their routes merged, so they'd walk home together.  She wished her parents could pick her up and drop her off, but that was an impossibility.  After all, her father is incarcerated and her mother worked a double shift at the 24 hour diner. 

Kakashi had distanced himself from the gang, even managed to stay on good terms with Los Konohas; a feat unheard of for someone who chose to excommunicate himself from the thuggish lifestyle.  Though he no longer claimed the set, he still stuck around, helping the younger generation keep their noses clean. 

As always, he would find her halfway through her walk and join her.  He'd insist on walking her home.   He'd say it wasn't safe.    She'd decline, reminding him she wasn't Los Konohas, but was under their protection, people respected and feared that.  He'd nod and walk her home just the same.

The black and white Konoha City Police Department sedan sat inconspicuously in the drive-thru of the closed down _Taqueria_restaurant.  The patrol cruiser's engine hummed softly, barely audible over the top forty style music playing on the car's factory tape deck and the faint muffled voices coming from the CB radio.

"I'm a sexy bastard," Officer Mizuki grinned, winking at himself in the mirror. 

It shouldn't be much longer, he thought, opening a new package of breath mints and tossing a piece into his mouth.  He glanced at his reflection again, smiling toothily.  Four years and a few thousand dollars in orthodontist bills plus two sessions of teeth whitening gave him a stellar smile to match his dazzling chestnut eyes and his salon colored white blonde shoulder length hair.  The narcissistic officer admired his reflection, thinking on how last Monday's spray on tan session turned his manila skin to a lovely shade of copper, which in turn contrasted wonderfully with hair. 

Right on time, he mused, glancing at the dashboard clock.  He was hypnotized by the swish of switching hips and long legs that seemed to step in perfect sync to the R&B music playing on the radio. 

Sakura Haruno was one hot piece of tail, young and innocent, just waiting for the right man to come along and corrupt her.  If things went smoothly as planned, he would have her in the backseat of the squad car deciding whether to spit or swallow.  

It was a shame that she wasted her time on those damn Uchiha brothers, those little assholes were really getting out of hand.  Sure, they kept his pockets lined, but he could only look the other way so often without becoming suspicious himself.

Shifting the sedan in drive, he eased out of the driveway and into the empty street.   _Swish, swish._  Dark eyes focused on the hypnotizing barely there tartan skirt.  "Ah yeah, baby you know how I like it." A glimpse of paradise, a hint of black panties, he watched Sakura stop to adjust her skirt down.

He crept up behind her, hitting the dashboard switch to turn on the squad car's flashing lights without the siren.

The cruiser's lights startled Sakura, her heart quickened; she had never been stopped before, never.  It was always the boys drawing the attention of the local authorities, never her. 

"Stay where you and put your hands on your head," the muffled voice spoke through the sedan's driver side speaker. 

The seventeen year old was a jumble of nerves, frozen like a deer caught in the headlights.  She hadn't done anything wrong, not once in her life.  Now the boys, they were a thuggish lot, but that didn't matter.  They were here _familia _and if the local bacon saw fit to label her guilty through association then whatever, she was down for her crew no matter what.

Sakura heard the KCPD black and white's door open and slam close, the seconds it took for the cop to walk around the back of the cruiser felt like minutes. 

His hand was on the small of her back, nudging her towards the squad car, "Hands on the hood."

"Don't touch me, I request a female officer."  The teen knew her rights; she was street savvy and made a point to know about basics, though more for the boys' sake than her own.

"That wasn't a request," he pushed her on the hood; she nearly stumbled in the high heeled boots she wore, "Sorry sugar, today you get me."

He removed the black handled Billy club from his utility belt, using it push her feet into a wider stance, trailing the stick up her leg.  He took a step back to admire his prize. 

_It was time to pay the piper_, Officer Mizuki thought in anticipation. 

His hands were everywhere, frisking everyone pocket, tracing up her body, beginning at her boots, up her thigh and under her too short pleated skirt.  Thick fingers traced the elastic of her panties and Sakura shuddered in revulsion.

She raised a knee to stomp her a pointy heel into his instep, but he swatted her foot with the wooden baton.

She grimaced as he pushed his body onto hers, his front on her back, pinning her to the sedan hood, her cheek against dusty metal.  "That wasn't very nice, was it?"  He breathed heavily along the shell of her ear.

Mizuki grabbed her upper arm swinging her around onto the sidewalk.  Sakura protested, wrenching her arm away.

"Badge number, 6324, Officer Mizuki," She spat at him, memorizing badge and face.  "Pervert pig, I know you.  You dirty cop.  And I bet you know who I am, Uchiha won't be happy about this."

Sakura was pissed.  How dare he?!  She quickly knelt to pick up the backpack from the cracked asphalt, preparing to leave.

"Did I say you could go?" He snatched the backpack before she could heft it onto her shoulder.  He opened the pocket zipper first, sifting through lip gloss, some pens, and a few loose bills.  Mizuki slipped the small Ziploc bag of white powder in her bag, that he had been palming and pulled it out the backpack as if just discovering it.

"What's this?" He asked, cocking his head to the side, his mouth forming an exaggerated 'O'.  He held the bag up, it swayed between his fingers.

"You put that there." She accused him, glaring at him.

"Did I?  Your word against mine, sugar." He smiled cockily.

He opened the back door of the squad car, "Get in.  You're going downtown."

"You can't do this." She protested, taking a step back.

"See this here?" He pointed to his badge, "It gives me the authority to do pretty much as I please.  That means, "he paused for dramatic effect, "I can do whatever I want."

He forcefully shoved her into the squad's vinyl back seat, laughing at each obscenity she screamed at him.

Officer Mizuki drove around the block, returning to park in an empty lot of the shut down _taquiera_. 

He made sure no one was looking, before he opened the front door to get out of the car and into the backseat with the pink haired young woman.  He slid into the seat beside her, keeping his door ajar.  The look in eyes was predatory; she matched it with her own defiant stare, balling her fists in her lap.

"I'm giving you the chance to change my mind." He slid along the dark seat closer to her.

"No, not happening.  Take me to the station."  She scooted away from him, as close as she could to the opposite door.  She tried the handle, hoping it would open, knowing it wouldn't.

"You did it with the brothers, Itachi's told me about that sweet mouth of yours."  Mizuki leered at her, eyes lingering on her glossy pink lips.

"You're lying, Itachi would never say that!  I'm not like _that_.  We don't…" she stammered, searching for the words, without naming the acts.  "I don't do that with them!"

Mizuki's hand shot out and grabbed a handful of pastel hair.  He pulled her to him.  Sakura scratched, kicked, and hit at him.  He clamped his mouth over hers, forcing his tongue down her throat, drinking in her curses.  He pulled back when she bit his lip; his mouth smeared pink from her melon berry gloss.

"You know what I want you to do with that pretty mouth of yours, sugar.  Don't make me spell it out for you."

Kakashi stood under the streetlight waiting for his neighbor, usually it was her waiting here for him, but this time Sakura was late.  She was only five; maybe ten minutes late, he didn't know why he was stressing her absence so badly.  Maybe she and Sasuke finally hit it off.  He quickly dismissed the idea.  No, she would've called.  They'd grown up together in same apartment complex and if anything, Sakura was responsible.  He reached his hand into his pocket, pulling out his cell phone, making sure he hadn't missed her call.  Nothing.  She always walked the same route from the Uchiha's to her place.  He decided to back track her route, hoping everything was alright.

The unease in his stomach wasn't settling.  All the street lights were on and he still hadn't seen a trace of her.  Why didn't that damn Itachi get her a cell phone?  Hell, or even make sure she had a ride home.  Self centered bastard!  He hoped Sakura was alright as the unease in his stomach grew.

He flipped open his cell phone, dialing for the Uchiha house.  The line rang three times, before the elder Uchiha brother picked up, "Yes."

"It's Kakashi.  Sakura there?" He asked, his eye scanning the street for the familiar pink head.

"She left already," Itachi coolly stated.

"With Sasuke?" Kakashi hoped, holding his breath for Itachi's reply.

"No.  Alone."

He exhaled.  _Damn it!_  "Where's Sasuke?" He was having a bad feeling about this. 

"He has company."  Kakashi could hear the sound of shuffling paper in the background. 

"You sure his company's not Sakura?"

"Ino's too…loud to be mistaken for Sakura.  Call me back after you find her Kakashi."  Itachi hung up, abruptly ending the phone call.

He jogged down the street, back tracking her route, searching for any sign of Sakura.  He passed a strip mall and a burger stand.  He paused at a traffic light; the time it took for it to change seemed like forever.   He increased his pace to a light lope.  A balding man eye him as flipped over the closed sign to a pawn shop, a couple walked into the tattoo shop beside it.

The muffled voices of a man and a woman arguing near the closed restaurant drew Kakashi's attention.  He forced himself to slow his steps when all he wanted to do was run full out and make sure that it wasn't Sakura in trouble.  He walked closer; his heart skipped a beat when he saw the telltale pink hair in the backseat of the police car.  He could identify her angry voice now, alongside that dirty cop Mizuki's.  

"I said _no_!  What part of that don't you understand?"  She flicked the safety off on Mizuki's department issue .45 automatic, the gun's muzzle pushed into the bad cop's groin. 

"Wha..what are you doing?" He cautiously lifted his hands in the air, emotions of confusion changing to anger played over his face.  He never felt her take the piece from his holster.

"Shut up," she screamed, though her internal monologue was more creative, _I'm shooting off your prick, Officer Eunuch.  Do I have to spell it out for you_?

"C'mon baby, don't be like that," His eyes darted from the gun to the girl and back again, " I wasn't going to.."

"No, no!  Just shut your face hole," her hands trembled, she could her shock turn to anger, tears were beginning to form in her eyes.  "You think this is a joke?  You put your dirty hands on me.   You don't get to touch me.  You.."

"Sakura."  Kakashi's calm voice spoke her name.    

"..don't get to touch me," she continued, her voice breaking.

"Sakura, I'm going to open this door and let you out."  Kakashi's voice remained the epitome of cool.  He wasn't sure if she had heard him.  She neither turned to look at him or acknowledge him any other way.

Slowly, he opened the cruiser's door.  Without missing a beat, Sakura slid out of the back seat and Kakashi immediately closed the door, locking the police officer in the backseat of his own squad car.  Sakura kept the gun pointed on Mizuki the entire time.

"Sakura give me the gun."  His words remained quiet; he gently put his hand on her shoulder.

"No, he has to pay for what he almost did." 

He could hear the hesitation in her words.  Kakashi pulled her into him.  Her head nestled under his chin.  Sakura relinquished the weapon without any further argument.  He stroked her hair, murmuring promises that everything was alright now and how he'd never allow this to happen to her ever again.  He could feel her tears through his shirt.  With each tear her body seemed to release some of its tension. 

"Shhh..it's alright now," he continued cooing.  "Stay right here."

"I'll take my weapon back now, Kakashi," Mizuki smarted.

Kakashi walked around to the opposite side of the cruiser, the gun pointed at him the entire time and pushed the other door completely closed.  

"You're making a mistake," he growled, pounding on the window.  "I know about you Hatake.  What's this?  Strike two or three?  You're just a street punk.  You're nothing. I hope you think that little bitch was worth it as you enjoy you're five by five jail cell."

Kakashi shook his head in disbelief.  This was close too close.  _If he hadn't stumbled into the equation_, he sighed not wanting to think about the alternate ways this could have played out.  He ignored Mizuki and pulled his Katana, cell phone, from his pocket.  The Uchihas needed to fix this mess; this was beyond his clean up capabilities. 

Itachi answered the phone on the second ring, "I take it that you've found her, Kakashi."  His tone was passive. 

"I have." 

The phone call to Itachi was quick.  He told the Los Konohas leader what had happened and Itachi said he'd be there personally to handle the situation.

"Wipe the gun down and leave it on the front seat, Kakashi.  Take her home.  I want you both gone before I arrive."  And that was that, Itachi ended the phone call.

"Sakura, we need to leave now."  Kakashi walked towards her, picking up her backpack. 

Sakura ignored him and stepped closer the vehicle.  She went nearer to the squad car, leaning close to the glass.  "No.  You're the one that made the mistake.   I know my place in Los Konohas.  I know my value to the Uchihas.  I may be _premiera_ to neither, but I'm not without worth.  I also know that they don't share well with others.  I know that even though I do not claim the set, they claim me and I know that they would take great offense to what you tried to do to me.  They have a reputation to keep, you know.  I don't think they'll take your insult lightly.  You're stupid."

Sakura took Kakashi's outstretched hand, "Alright, let's go."


End file.
